- Subs Created By: David Coleman. - Previously on "Black Dynamite"..
- Alright freeze! - Oh damn it the police.
Didn't you see the sign?
No ninja loitering.
Who you calling a ninja?
Back up! Back up! I think I'm gonna need back up!
Yo! Let's get him! Get his ass!
This old green bitch, you know what it is?
Come up off that purse ho!
Ninja please!
You ninja..
Hey ho! I've been robbing fools all day.
Now give a a ninja some ass. And it better be clean.
Look here ninja you ain't gotta talk to..
♪♪ ♪.
Bitches like that.
Black Dynamite pimping ain't never been easy in these streets.
But now it's damn near imposable.
We are being pushed around by a bunch of outta control angry ninjas,
that just ain't respecting the game Black Dynamite.
Hmm.
The police think that they can shoot a ninja
in the back just because he's a ninja!?
I say [Bleep] that!
I say ninja power!
This week.. Just beat it..
Or Jackson Five across your eyes.
Chauncey, how your baby mama doing?
Ninja, I ain't Chauncey.
Sorry my ninja, these damn masks man.
Honeybee, how's them explosive charges coming?
All set to blow Black Dynamite.
Good Corn we wired up yet?
No doubt, just about.
All right gang you've got until 3 Mississippi to split,
if you want to keep your asses in tact.
Meet me at the getaway car just like we planned.
It's time to send Fiendish Doctor Wu a message.
All the ninjas in the world are no match for a couple
of decent black folks working together with a plan.
And some explosives.
One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi.
♪.
- Cream Corn step on it! - And put your ankles in it.
Damn it! Where the hell is Cream Corn?
Yeah! Go get him! Go get him! I got him!
All right..
Cream Corn!?
I know this mother [Bleeper] ain't dancing on the Soul Train line,
while we up to our necks in ninja [Bleep].
Yeah, brother you got something you wanna say to all your friends out there?
Hey Black Dynamite! I'm on TV!
Who the guest this week?
And now lady's and gentlemen the Jackson Five..
** T.B.F.
It's easy as ABC.
More songs make me more money.
For getting free. It's that easy.
Believe you me..
Oh my God! It's Michael Jackson!
Ah!
See. I told ya all damn kids.
This is gonna hurt me as much as it's gonna hurt you.
Hey, my man how do I get back.. To see my man Mike Jack?
No way. Mister Jackson says nobody goes back stage.
I'm sorry Michael.
- We all sorr.. - Shut your ass Joseph.
These mother [Bleepers] messed up on Soul Train.
On Soul Train.
Obviously whipping the living [Bleep] out of
these boys twice a day ain't working out.
So we're gonna try something different.
Oh. Thank God.
You're gonna beat they asses four times a day!
- Man! - Or do you want what happened to Shamal?
I ain't no pedophile or nothing. I just wanna see Mike Jack.
Don't be a [Bleep] Joe kill one of these kids with your belt.
No! Please Michael!
It's the only way these mother [Bleepers] are gonna learn.
Somebody's got to die.
No! This abuse has been going on long enough!
The magic and the madness ends right now.
Run boys! Save your self's!
It's over Michael! It's over!
Oh my God! Marlon Jackson, "Tito" Jackson, Jermaine Jackson.
- Whats wrong with you Jackson's? - Beat it!
Our asses.. Michael.
Michael's getting his ass beat? Oh my God!
And to think Michael Jackson. I treated you like you was my own son.
Oh! What!?
Michael!
Joseph Jackson you're under arrest.
He-he-he.
Michael.
Michael Jackson is fine.
Thanks to you blocking that bullet with your ass.
Damn you all look [Bleeped] up.
That's because we were fighting Fiendish Doctor Wu and all his ninjas.
And you were supposed to be driving the damn getaway car.
Aw man, I forgot all about them ninjas Black Dynamite.
It's a good thing I didn't know Michael Jackson was gonna be on Soul Train.
Or I might not have showed up either.
All right look from now on nobody is allowed to run off to Soul Train,
and take a bullet for a mother [Bleeper] with out,
Black Dynamite's prior express written consent.
Excuse me, may I come in?
Hi. I'm Michael.
Oh my God that's Michael Jackson. Of the Jackson 5.
Honeybee I know who Michael Jackson is and what he is of.
Michael. Are you okay?
I'm fine thanks to you. You saved my life.
I've got a friend called Corn.
Mike, that was so beautiful.
Like a little black angel.
Man Michael J. You put some ankles in his name.
Don't worry Michael Jackson I'm sure that once you grow
some man balls you won't sound like a little girl no more.
Now Cream Corn these ninjas have gone crazy.
So we need to get back to work.
I'll be out in the car.
Now ninja tell me what Fiendish Doctor Wu is up to.
And what is his plan?
Wait, wait I'll tell you what he up to. Why do I have to tell you his plan?
That's like the same thing, man you gotta get it together.
Can't you see Jive Turkey is just using you,
in his outta bounds dream to achieve world wide domination?
.. But he's muscle sauce on my meat. And you know he chose me outta everybody.
Nice little guy too. Talking to me, gotta a lot a..
Cream Corn how many times have I told you not to interrupt my interrogation?
We need to stay focused on breaking this ninjas will.
There's a delivery for Cream Corn..
Ah! Look what Michael Jackson sent for me!
A pimping silk cape covered with the Japanese symbol for bravery.
I've always wanted one of these.
Damn that [Bleep] is groovy. You all really know Michael Jackson?
My ninja know Jermaine, but everybody know Jermaine.
Man it ain't even cold and Michael Jackson got it snowing in the globe.
Oh my God Michael! What are you doing here?
I just couldn't stop thinking about that bullet that you caught in your ass for me.
That was so very very special.
So I thought it might be nice to make it Christmas in July for you.
- I hope you like it. - Like it?
I wanna marry it. It's like a dream. Thank you Michael Jackson.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Michael Jackson.
He-he-he.
That Michael Jackson is a stone cold pimp.
What's so stone cold about a little boy buying a
mother [Bleeper] all the things he ever dreamed of?
I bet couldn't swing a Nunchuck if he tried.
Honey.. B.. E.. E.. E..
- Man that's great! - Has any of ya all seen my grappling hook?
This is called I got a friend called Corn.
I said has anyone seen my grappling hook?
Corn.
My Daddy tried to shoot me dead.
His cold steel was pointing at my head.
Then I found a love..
Michael Jackson will you stop the [Bleep] damn singing?
Shut the [Bleep] up and let a grown man find his grappling hook's..
Pleas don't hit me Black Dynamite. I didn't mean to make you mad.
Trust me Michael Jackson. If I was gonna hit you, you would a already been hit.
Cream Corn it's time for Michael Jackson to go.
Go? But me and Michael Jackson are about to have a sleep over.
The Whorephanage is a place for whores and orphans.
Not Michael Jackson.
You know what? I think you're just jealous Black Dynamite.
Jealous, of him?
Please any Solid Gold dancer could do that.
Now I'm not asking you Cream Corn I'm telling you..
Michael Jackson has got to go.
Here, how about I just buy your little Whorephanage?
Then we can have as many sleep overs as we want.
My business and these whores are not for sale.
Michael Jackson makes me happy Black Dynamite.
And if you don't want to see me happy maybe I should just go.
Cream Corn if you walk out that door, you might as well never come back.
Fine! Ain't nothing here but a bunch of whores and orphans anyway.
- Fine! - Fine!
Fine [Bleep] damn it! Fine!
Man I just don't know what to say.
You just made little Michael Jackson moon walk away.
Mm-mm-mm. If I was you I would a took the check.
♪.
Hmm.. Sw.. Sweet.
Huh?
Look Black Dynamite. Michael Jackson's got the whole Whorephanage flying.
Pretty soon you ain't gonna have nobody.
You should a took the check mother [Bleeper].
Wait stop!
Thank you Michael Jackson. Thank you Michael Jackson. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Michael Jackson.
- What is it Black Dynamite? - Nothing.
- I.. I'm fine. - You need me to get you something?
- Na mama, I'm okay. - Is everything alright?
- Yeah its all.. - Is there something I can get you?
[Bleep] Damn it I already told the second bitch "no".
I don't care about Black Dynamite.
Or that Whorephanage at all.
Yeah.
Be with me, and all your silly dreams
will come true, I'll buy them all.
Because you're mine.
Because the gosh darn Corn is mine.
Every night you move up in my life.
I knew you were the one.
Got me a Japanese cape that says bravery.
With my name it's all **.
The Corn is Mike's.
The gosh darn Corn is Mike's.
Mike's.. Mike's.. Mike's..
That was beautiful. But I would maybe hit that last note a little bit harder.
A little harder?
Hear that Quincy Jones?
Cream Corn thinks that I should hit that note a little harder.
How much harder Cream Corn?
Um you know.. I don't know.. Maybe just a little bit harder.
Just a little harder, not a lot harder?
How much that hit be Cream Corn?
- Should it be this hard? - Oh! I'm sorry Mike.
Maybe this hard? How much should it be?
- I'm sorry man. - You're sorry alright.
You the sorriest mother [Bleeper] in this mother [Bleeper]. Mother [Bleeper].
Don't you ever tell Michael Jackson how hard his hits should be. You hear me?
Yes Michael! Yes!
Cream Corn, now why did you have to go and make me do that to you?
I'm not mad at you. But if you do it again...
I'm a kill you.
Oh. Yeah.
Okay Q. I wanna hurry up so Cream Corn and I can go get some ice cream.
Would you like that Cream Corn? Some ice cream?
Uh.. Yup..
Ben?
Man Cream Corn is living in the lap of luxury.
That mother [Bleeper] Michael Jackson, must be all he's cracked up to be.
Oh! [Bleep] Have you been hit?
What are you two doing here?
Cream Corn what happened to your face?
I am fine, Michael is just under a lot of pressure right now.
Michael did this to you?
Cream Corn I said it once and I'll say it again..
Little boys shouldn't be laying their hands on no grown ass men.
Oh you coming home with us now.
It will get better Michael's a genius.
You know how geniuses are.
Right? Right? You guys should go before Michael sees you.
Ninja now I'm only going to ask you this one more time.
- Tell me where.. - I don't know them ninjas man.
I said tell me where..
[Bleep] Dammit, who's interrupting my head-locking?
This better not have anything with Cream Corn or Michael Jackson.
We need to talk to you about Cream Corn and Michael Jackson.
Black Dynamite, please that Michael Jackson ain't who he appears to be.
Cream Corn may be in real trouble.
But there's only one way to know for sure.
And what's that?
You gotta go get the real dirt from his Daddy.
Daddy knows.
Fine. Thank you ninja for that unsolicited advice.
And you riding bitch.
Black Dynamite, thank goodness you're here.
Michael Jackson ain't who he appears to be.
Your friend Cream Corn is in real trouble.
Told you.
Tell me more Joe Jackson and keep talking.
Well it all started in a tiny little house. In a small town called Gary Indiana.
We was poor and life was [Bleep]. Ain't nothing to do in Gary
but [Bleep] all day and hope you make a talented baby.
It seemed that every nine months, Katherine would pop put another little Jackson.
But each one was less talented than the last.
"Rebbie".
"Jackie".
"Tito".
Jermaine.
Shamon.
La Toya.
Marlon, talk about a [Bleep] damn loosing streak.
Until one night..
Huh?
What the he..
I was amazed at first. But when I thought about it..
What ever it was that got her pregnant,
just saved Joe Jackson two minutes of hard work.
The very next day my half alien son Michael Joseph Jackson was born.
I knew that baby wasn't mine. Because the mother [Bleeper] had talent.
He-he-he.
Scary as the [Bleep] was the first time I saw it.
The mother [Bleeper] sang and danced.
And do 'em both really well.
Ho!
I needed a lead singer.
That's when I decided to raise it as my own son.
And the Jackson 5 was birthed.
I sent Tito to the joke shop to find an Afro Wig,
and the widest toy nose he could find.
And I had Katherine blacken him up the best she could.
And the rest is music history.
I tried to keep this a secret for as long as I could.
But he's abusive Black Dynamite.
And every time me and the boys start [Bleeping] up.
He remind us of what happened to poor little Shamon.
Shamon..
Shamon.. Ya!
That's all I hear.
Man everything seems to be not what it is.
And what it is seems not to be.
My crew is in shambles and Cream Corn had been abducted by an alien.
And I don't even know if I can save him. Or even if he wants me to.
You know man a ninja like me has got experience with this type of thing.
What you talking about ninja?
Ninjas do wrong to each other sometimes.
And in that way the force of the earth comes around the moon.
And at that presence, the dirt, It over shadows the grass.
And you like I can't cut this grass, there's no sun coming through.
So in order to enable each other the two fruits have to look each other in the eye,
understand we can only be ripe as the ripe is wrong.
You know what I mean?
Man, I never thought I'd see the day when the
only person talking any sense was a damn ninja.
Michael?
I think..
I think I wanna leave Neverland.
You wanna do what?
I wanna leave!
No. You don't wanna leave. You never wanna leave.
You want some fresh baked cookies is what you want.
Uh.. No?
But they smell so good!
- Oh [Bleep]. - What the hell!?
Look Cream Corn there's something you need to know about Michael Jackson.
I'm an alien Cream Corn. Well half.
Part human part MamaSe MamaSa MamaKossa.
MamaSe MamaSa MamaKossa?
That's right MamaSe MamaSa MamaKossa.
But what does that all mean?
What do you think it means? We're aliens.
We're going to kill all the humans and take the planet.
But you don't have to worry about that Cream Corn. You're my friend.
Whew! Thank God.
I'm just going to impregnate you with thousands of and thousands of alien babies.
Do you have any stretch pants?
What!? Impregnate my ass!
Why you wanna be starting something Cream Corn?
No! No!
Ah!
Help!
Ah!
Help!
Um.. Oh..
No!
You can't leave Cream Corn.
Ah!
Michael Jackson's chasing me on a giraffe!
He-he-he.
Ah!
Michael Jackson your face is horrible.
♪
Michael Jackson, this is it.
Black Dynamite! Right on time.
What are you doing here Black Dynamite? Your bitch chose me.
That's where your wrong Michael Jackson.
Black Dynamite's bitches don't choose [Bleep].
Now hand over Cream Corn and let him go free.
Before I put a hurting on you real bad.
Ha!
♪
MamaSe MamaSa MamaKossa.
Now, you wanna come again?
Ninja power!
He!
Ha!
Wa-cha!
Huh?
Black Dynamite!
No!
- Michael! - Michael!
Michael! Speak to me.
Now..
We're even.
He-he..
That's some cold sentimental [Bleep] you just did Michael Jackson.
Cream Corn you're a good friend.
I'm so sorry for abusing and terrorizing you.
It's okay, you're still kind of worth it.
At least you didn't get me pregnant.
Now Michael Jackson you need to to choose whether you want to use
your human side to save humanity or your alien side to destroy it.
You're right I think I finally learned my lesson Black Dynamite.
I'm changing my ways from this day on.
And a piece of advice if you're still going to live here amongst earth folk.
Go back to that cute black face,
with that wide ass nose that America fell in love with.
You know this one right here.
Because you're real face kind of freaks me out.
Maybe change your features gradually over time.
You know, so people can get acclimated.
Good idea.
The other thing I would do is find a cause you're passionate about.
Like saving the whales, world peace, the children or..
That's it the children. I'm going to spend all my time thinking about the children.
The children. The children.
Thank you Black Dynamite.
Glad I could help Michael Jackson. Glad I could help.
♪
Subs Created By: David Coleman.